Macho man
by Sarahloulabellx
Summary: Jeff decides to prove to Norman that he would not turn his wife into a lesbian by all means neccesary. A quick oneshot based on last nights episode.


Hey Guys well this is dedicated to BetthovenRIP after our converstation about last nights episode and what we wish we had seen haha.

I own nothing recognisable here

Enjoy this is purley for a bit of fun haha but I would love it if you would be so kind as to let me know what you think.

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'Jeffreyyy your darling wife is home put the kettle on!' Dixie shouted as she walked through the pairs front door kicking her boots off and give lil abs a scratch behind the ears.

Dixie almost fell to the floor laughing as Jeff came out the kitchen wearing a pink flowery apron and pink rubber gloves 'Hey princess kettle is on' He confirmed looking confused as to why Dixie was laughing.

'oh dear god what are you wearing?' She continued to laugh holding her sides now.

Jeff looked down on himself as if he had forgotten he was even wearing an apron and gloves 'Oh erm well you were complaining about the bathroom this morning so I decided to clean it but I didn't want to get wet so I went and got these.'

'and the fact they were pink and flowery were just a bonus? I think Norman may have been onto something' She laughed further as he stormed off back into the kitchen.

Dixie left Jeff in the kitchen as she went upstairs and began to run a bath shouting a compliment to Jeff about his handy work before jumping into the hot water and relaxing.

A couple of hours later the pair were sat in the living room eating dinner in front of the TV both stuck in their own thoughts when Jeff spoke 'Princess what did you mean by Norman having a point earlier?'

Dixie chuckled to herself as she remembered her day with Norman 'He thinks we are swingers, actually no he thinks you turned me into a lesbian'

She laughed at his dumbfounded expression 'Swingers? Excuse me?'

'We had a call and it was a transvestite, Norman got on his high horse and I thought he should know about me' She began to explain watching Jeff's expression.

'What that you're a Lesbian? I thought everyone knew?'

'Yeah well Norman definitely missed that Memo I thought he was going to pass out' She laughed remembering his face 'So anyway he spent the rest of the day trying to figure us out and well I was having to much fun to tell him about Dad.'

Jeff groaned rubbing his hands down his face 'What did he say exactly Dix?'

'Well his first thought was that we were swingers he was very accepting to the idea, although I soon put him straight the idea was just too weird to think about. Then he thought I was staying with you out of sympathy, that I realised I was Lesbian during our marriage. He had quite a few theories really but It got boring very quickly so I explained I never did find out his opinion'

Jeff looked stunned but quickly sat up putting his plate on the table 'Wait he thinks I turned you into a Lesbian, what's he bleedin trying to say Dix that I'm not man enough to keep you straight?!'

This was the last thing Dixie had expected he looked genuinely offended but it was too funny and she couldn't maintain the laughter 'Calm down Rambo he was just trying to get his head around it all'

'This is not funny Dixie he thinks I'm femine' This made Dixie laugh even harder the tears were streaming down her face now.

'Well if you're not going to take this seriously' He pouted

'No no I am I promise Jeffrey but really looking back at the apron and pink gloves he may just have a point' She laughed making Jeff sigh frustrated.

The next morning Dixie and Jeff walked into the ambulance station Dixie trying not to laugh remembering the night's events and Jeff's clear annoyance at Norman.

'Good Morning Dixie, Jeff I hope you both had a pleasant night'

Dixie tried to her best to maintain her laughter as Jeff tensed up beside her upon hearing Norman's welcome 'Good morning Norman' She replied politely 'We had a lovely night thanks'

'Weren't off swinging if that's what you're asking' She heard Jeff mutter from beside her.

'Oh and Norman there has been a change to the rota I have a meeting so you and Jeff are on shift with each other this morning'

'What?!' Jeff almost screeched from beside her quickly trying to correct himself 'Er I mean I thought it was me and you Dix, Not that there is anything wrong with being Norman Nothing mate'

'That's great then have fun boys' She called as she walked off to her office.

A couple of hours and more than a few mock threatening texts from Jeff later Dixie had relieved the men of each other's company and was out with Jeff who was whining about the fact that he was way more masculine than Norman, and how would Norman know what it was to maintain a wife.

'Jeffrey please I thought you would have gotten this out of your system this morning' She sighed it was becoming tiresome.

'No way Dixie this is my man hood that's at stake here'

Dixie knew this would not end here and so left him to his rant.

As she was leaving the ambulance station to meet Jeff, Norman called Dixie over to the ambulance 'Erm excuse me Dixie I was just wondering If you could pass this on to Jeff he left it in the ambulance earlier and I haven't seen him since' The man explained handing the item over to Dixie.

'No problem Norman see you later' She called as she headed out, wondering what she had been given she opened the carrier bag to find the sports section of the Sun and a copy of Nuts. 'What in the world?'

The next day Dixie walked into the ambulance bay to find Jeff stood talking to Norman but she noticed something different he wasn't holding his usual plain white mug, instead he held a can of ginger beer and in the other hand a Yorkie bar. 'Morning Princess, I would give you a bit but you know strictly for men' He explained pointing to the symbol on the pack.

The next day Dixie found Jeff walking around the house wearing an apron with the words 'king of the Barbie' written across them.

This carried on for a few weeks until Dixie finally clicked onto what was happening, Jeff was trying to show he was masculine, the idea made her laugh and she instantly came up with a plan.

The next time Dixie spotted Jeff and Norman together she walked up to the pair smiling widley 'Jeffrey I just wanted to let you know I got you your extra sensitive shower Gel the one that smells of peaches, oh and I got you that face mask you wanted to get rid of your oily T zone, I'll put it on you tonight if you will paint my Right hand for me you know how much I suck and last time you did them they looked brilliant.'

Jeff looked like he had just been sucker punched while Norman glanced between the two of them as if suddenly agreeing with himself.

'Oh sorry got to go boys Ill be late for my meeting' She called running off holding back her laughter until she got round the corner.

The next day all of the ambulance staff were in the bay being briefed about the rotas and other things by Dixie when a noise from the staff room made them all look over, as they looked at the door it opened revealing Jeff in nothing but his birthday suit and a guitar that looked like it seen better days covering his modesty.

'Jeffrey what the hell are you playing at?' she shouted trying her best to remain professional even though all she wanted to do was laugh.

'Well what kind of man is ashamed of their body I'm just sharing my chizzled good looks with you all' With that he strode off leaving a silent and shocked group in his wake.

In that instant Dixie came up with an idea that would hopefully end all of this it was really getting old and embarrassing.

As Jeff walked into the ambulance station he wasn't prepared when suddenly a song burst through the station but it made him laugh as he listen to the lyrics.

'_Every man wants to be a Macho man, To have the kind of body always in demand, Joggin' in the mornings, go Jeff go, workouts in the health spa, muscles grow, you can best believe me, Jeffs a macho man, Glad he took you down anyone you can hey hey hey._

_Macho, Macho Man_

_I gotta be a Macho man!'_

He laughed so hard he ended up in tears, ok maybe he had over reacted just a tad but if only he had thought about the village people first he would have had some better ideas as to show he really was Macho.


End file.
